Party time! C. Ronson produced a line of affordable (?) clothes for JC Penney and all its consumers who don’t know who she is. But don’t worry they weren’t invited to the totally superfluous party heralding it. And since you little people obviously missed it, or the notion of its existence entirely I’ll take you through a play-by-play of Style.com’s SUPER FUN coverage. Feel free to open it up and look along with me I <3 JC Ronson:
1. Yay! Family reunion with our Mom, Dee Snider!
2. Sting’s daughter unwittingly leaks his surname, killing him instantly.
3. No. Just no.
4. Monet Mazur looks super cute. I am excited to replicate that outfit this summer. Those shoes better not be mules.
5. Paris! What the fuck! But it’s really nice of you to make your sister’s ugly-ass outfit look stylish!
6. Yay people looking good. They look like they’re in on some kind of joke, aka why they are at this party. I’m just gonna pretend Paula’s dress is not denim. And Rashida is so cute and also normal but I’m gonna try not to hate her.
7. I don’t know who you are. Why are you here? Moisturize your legs! Your dress is eh…
8. Milla is the most adorable mom ever! Seriously, I saw it on TMZ!
9. I don’t know. Your parents hate you.
10. We get it you’re a douche.
11. People even Perez Hilton doesn’t care about, such as Michelle Trachtenberg’s goth twin, are there. And they might be wearing rompers.
12. Speaking of [conjoined] twins. Also, come on Nicole. Are you trying to fall on your face with your draggy things and your pointy heel bits.
13. People still care about Cory Kennedy. She still looks like a kindergartener who dressed herself. As my mom used to say, “It’s a good thing she’s cute!”
14. I like your jacket, Model Who Needs Eyeliner.
15. Is that girl on the left related to the new American Idol judge.
16. Love Rashida! She should be Rachel Zoe’s stylist.
17. Molly, Molly I like your outfit a lot and I love your bag, but Honey, you are not 19. Also, why is everyone boycotting eyeliner at this shindig?
18. Girl, what? I know you want to be the sexy one for once instead of always being the funny one but you look kind of like Michelle Obama with that dress and ‘do.
19. Is this the girl from The Like? I can’t even remember if that band really existed or was just a figment of my imagination. OH MY GOD, IS THAT A LEATHER CAPRI JUMPSUIT. Shit! From your pose it also could be a leather bathing suit over pantaloon set. You look like you know what you’ve done. Although I don’t place the blame solely on you. Whoever created that monstrosity should be sent back to Hell or Christopher St. And you’re already wearing a fucking leather outfit, you don’t need fetish shoes as well. We get it, you’re a bad ass. Fuck you!
20. The world hates Shenae Grimes.
21. Is this photoshopped from three different parties. It’s nighttime dude, put away your pretentious sunglasses. I think Mark Ronson was watching Jerry Lewis’ original Nutty Professor movie earlier because his resemblance to Buddy Love is uncanny. Case in point: 
Is the last guy wearing sweatpants?
22. The Lovely Rashida candidly catches Nicole after she trips on her draggy things and spiky heel bits.
23. Charlotte, “I had the best time ever! Wait, what the hell is JC Penney?”
Ahh, it’s like we were there.
M
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